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August fanzine
Email Ferritforferreting@searchoptimizationengine.com
First a poem, by Dave.
I will get you sorted John,
And you will follow orders,
Else Ill find out where you are,
And eat your flower borders,
Leaving just a few for you,
To put inside your vase,
I may be cruel and vicious,
But even Im not that hard,
I cultivate compassion,
Especially if you obey,
So listen to the words John,
Follow everything I say,
And soon your Web garden,
Will be looking rather rosy,
Well keep your proper visitors,
And concrete all the Nosies,
Put them in my same block,
As the horrible little spammers,
Theyll still hold up the traffic,
Just in a different manner,
Talking now of Manors,
Your webs uninsured, Ive learned,
Websites can have accidents,
Websites can get burned,
As luck happens I have here,
From the inside of my coat,
Made from a wide boy weasel,
Or it might have been a stoat,
Our policy that covers you,
From all manner of serious strife,
It could save your sanity,
It could save your life,
Just for you Ill only charge,
Twice the high street price,
Because buying elsewhere is not good,
Buying elsewhere isnt nice,
A Dave the Ferrit backup pack,
Is what youre going to get,
It wont help protect your house,
Or stop your flowers getting eat,
It will just copy your website,
So if you have a sad crash,
Whilst non Sorteds have disasters,
You will have a stash,
Microsoft and Big G,
I admit have their merit,
But arent you glad that you are with,
Your friendly Dave the Ferrit.
Enter Dave in a JCB with three moles in the bucket,
apparently they save on shovel usage.
Right John. You will buy my Backup pack and use it.
If you have heard of alternative packages you will
stay stum.
You all madly code and optimise, but nobody copies
anything in case of disaster. This will change.
Also, it has been brought to my attention, by some
sneak, that some of you dont check your links. So you will
now check your links using Xenu, every day. Sorted.
Shuffles controls, JCB moves slightly left exposing a
stoat tied to the roof.
Last month we said it was Grammar.
It has additionally been brought to my attention, by the Times, that thirty,
per cent of the UK is illiterate.
You will learn to read this week.
Dont use illiteracy as your excuse, Ill find out from your
friends if they told you about this page.
Then I may have to use nails, or sarcasm.
I recommend the reading option John.
After learning to read you will use Spellcheck,
and the killer, punctuation.
Got to leave now and tidy my garden.
Gerald the Large is watching from a bird hide, left.
He grins.
Dave.
As you can see, friendly, understanding, warm and welcoming.
Daves phrase, how he sorts things out.
If you need any help putting your website up in lights
on various search engine front pages, just email us.
john@seogurus.co.uk
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